After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
