Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
