theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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