This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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