If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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