I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
