me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
