Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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