ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
