why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's when you crack a 10am beer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
