Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I looked at my own cervix.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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