Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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