Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
