"it" just moved
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
