dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize