he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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