worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
