I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
