Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
