I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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