There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
