It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
