there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
