So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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