Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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