Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
