so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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