dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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