I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize