I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
