My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
