dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize