Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize