Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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