I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
