at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
