2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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