I have demons in me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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