It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
time to smoke my breakfast
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
