well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
