I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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