I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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