i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
