the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
