I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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