the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
God, I missed his penis.
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