I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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