I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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