then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
