she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
