Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she looked like the before picture.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
