Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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