A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
