I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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