She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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