i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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