Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
