yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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