Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
