i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
