As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
