using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
