Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
