Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
