I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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