great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
