so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Found the puke drawer
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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