One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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