It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
