Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
