there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
