Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
