I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
