Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
