You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
