we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm always down for nudity.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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