I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
