I wanna passion pit in your ass
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drake has all the answers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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