So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's shark week go big or go home
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
