You made me cry and you don't even care
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
