I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
