well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
